A Most Diligent Sinner
SinsofMidnight: -Fan-Fiction Archive - Personal Blog - Extras
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Stories
    • Fan-Fictions >
      • Anime >
        • "Blood +" - [anime] directed by Junichi Fujisaku
        • "Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion" - written by Ichirō Ōkouchi >
          • In Love With His War
        • "Mobile Suit Gundam Wing" (Sunrise) >
          • Insanity Is Relative
        • "Heroic Age" - Directed by Toshimasa Suzuki >
          • Collision Course
        • "Trinity Blood" - Directed by Tomohiro Hirata
      • Games >
        • "Final Fantasy VII" (SQUARE ENIX) >
          • Stolen Kisses Universe >
            • Stolen Kisses
          • Drinking Universe >
            • Drinking With You
          • Heaven Universe >
            • Heaven's Only Haven
          • Hungover
          • Grammar
          • Possession
          • Rubber Bands, Bullet Holes, & Super Glue
          • This Weakness In Me
          • Trauma
        • "Kingdom Hearts" (SQUARE ENIX) >
          • In A Green Dress
        • "Star Ocean III: Til The End of Time" (SQUARE ENIX) >
          • Worth Fighting For
        • "Xenosaga" >
          • Passionate
      • Manga >
        • "Bleach" - Tite Kubo >
          • Lap-Dance Universe >
            • Praying For Love in A Lap-Dance
            • Moves Like Jaegerjaquez
          • One Trick Pony Universe >
            • One More Night: SIDE A
            • One More Night: SIDE B
            • One Trick Pony >
              • Omakes and Out-Takes
          • Strong Universe >
            • Strength
          • Temptation Universe >
            • Closer
          • Hot House Flowers Universe
          • You Can Have Chemistry In Chem, but Please Don't Have Biology in Bio!
        • "Charisma Doll" - Erika Kurahashi >
          • Confessions Universe >
            • Confessions of A Cross-Dressing Idol
        • "Fullmetal Alchemist" - Hiromu Arakawa >
          • High School Hell Universe >
            • Infatuation
          • Secrets Universe >
            • The Secrets We Keep
            • Love Out Loud
          • Rainy Day Universe >
            • Save It For A Rainy Day
          • The Invitation
          • The Quality of Mercy
        • "Junjou Romantica" - Shungiku Nakamura
        • "Saiunkoku Monogatari" - Sai Yukino >
          • Utterly Hopeless // Utterly Helpless
        • "Vampire Knight" - Hino Matsuri >
          • Sensei Universe
          • Starry, Starry Night
          • Fatherhood
          • Loving and Hating, Longing and Loathing
        • Yoshiki Nakamura >
          • Aftermath Universe
          • Happily Ever After Never Happens
      • TV Shows >
        • "Criminal Minds" - Created by Jeff Davis >
          • Stressor Universe
          • I Saw Derek Kissing Santa Claus
        • "Leverage" - created by Chris Downey & John Rogers >
          • People Are Like Knives
        • "Supernatural" - Created by Eric Kripke >
          • Seraphim Universe
          • The Ghost of Christmas Past and Christmas Presents
    • Commissions >
      • Dangerous Man
      • Indecent Games
      • Just A Dream
      • Playing Games
      • Taken For Granted
      • Guilt
      • Stamina
    • Writing Challenges >
      • SinsofMidnight's Writer's Challenge >
        • SinsofMidnight (Writer's Challenge) >
          • Phone Tag
          • What Would Be Just Desserts
        • Sinful Madam (Writer's Challenge)
    • Meme Scenes
  • A Writer's Secrets
    • Musical Inclinations
    • Secrets
    • Tools

I Wonder as I Wander...

12/10/2013

1 Comment

 
Picture
I've run across this ecard on a site I use... And I love the pairing of "Howl's Moving Castle" with a Tolkien quote...

I guess I've reached that point in my life. You know the one: where you look back with near perfect hindsight and wonder... As I wander story to story, trying to find the inspiration to write, I find myself there...

I wonder if I've been lying to myself.
I wonder if I really want to write, or if I've been lying to myself all this time, because the minute I have a deadline in the picture, not a single word wants to work past my fingertips.

I wonder if people have lied to me.
I've always found so much encouragement from those around me, but when I look at what my work, all I can see is crap. In all truth, I suppose a crisis as such was a long time coming, but it's still a horrible place to find yourself with deadlines on the horizon.

I wonder if my own attitudes have ruined me.
My perfectionism may not touch many aspects of my life, but my writing has always been one of them. I stare and stare at the pages all day and just... decide it's not good enough. Crumple the paper, throw it at the trash can, start over again.
I know I must write the trash to write the treasure, but all I see is the trash...

I wonder if I'm truly committed.
A born procrastinator, my motto has often been, "Why do today what can be put off until tomorrow?"
Yet now, as I work through my projects, I find myself putting off some of the harder things, saying I do it tomorrow... But my deadlines come in with the tomorrows and laters, and they will be here and I won't be ready if I keep on the way I am.


I wonder if I'm good enough.
I'm 21 years old --surely I have more to learn about writing! Am I truly ready to be published or do I just want to be?

It's been a life-long dream --but what a short life. Should I wait? Should I seize whatever moment I see?

I wonder if the expectations of others have crippled me.
I was voted "Most Likely to Write a Novel" when I graduated middle school and again when I graduated high school.
People expect it of me, but not only that --they expect it to be great.
I'm not sure I'm capable of great. What if it's only alright? What it it gets lost in a sea of other works and never sees the light of day?


"Not all those who wander are lost."

                                                                    ~J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Fellowship of the Ring"

There is more than a hint of truth to the quote. But also true is the fact that some of those who wander are lost.

I hate feeling lost like little else. It might bare equal hatred as feeling helpless, but I suppose I've been blessed in the fact that I've felt it only rarely.

What a time to feel lost! With on deadline approaching quickly and another on the way!

Ever yours,
~Sins~
1 Comment
Roksiel link
12/12/2013 08:14:50 pm

First of all, I know what you mean about the deadline, only that in my case it happens when I have to draw something for someone. I simply do not feel like drawing anymore and I hate it. It happens to everyone I believe because people only like to do thing they enjoy and not things that others make them do. Inspiration comes when you least expects it, that's all I have to say.

Perfectionists never truly like anything they do, trust me, I speak from experience. I also can't stand almost anything I draw and I end up hating it before I even finish it. It's sad really but instead of focusing on what you think about it yourself, try to focus more on what others say. People have no reason to lie to you, at least not the strangers who comment on your dA account. They are simply people who stumbled onto something they liked and felt the need to praise you, just like I did.

As for your age, I don't believe it's important, if anything, you should seize the opportunity as soon as possible.

I will end my comment with a quote from The Lord of the Rings as well: "[...] if you do not find a way, no one will." - Galadriel

It is your journey, only you can finish it. Don't give up, you can do it.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    A crazy little writer called Sins... Just remember that the insanity is relative ^^

    Archives

    August 2015
    September 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013

    Categories

    All
    Alexander
    Alphonseelric22
    Au
    Baking
    Bastian
    Benedict Cumberbatch
    Black Butler
    Bleach
    Bryant
    Bullet Holes
    Camryn
    Code Geass
    Cody Longo
    Collision Course
    Comparison
    Computer Trouble
    Computer Trouble
    Crafts
    Deviantart
    Dreamspinner Press
    Dreamspinner Press
    Driving
    Duct Tape
    Editing
    Emery
    Ernest Hemingway
    Eureka
    Fan Fiction
    Fan Fiction
    Fan-Fiction
    Feet
    Final Fantasy Vii
    Final Fantasy Viii
    Firefly
    Friends
    Fullmetal Alchemist
    Gay Romances
    Gay Romances
    Gundam Wing
    Harry Potter
    Health
    Heroic Age
    Holiday
    Hugh Jackman
    Improvement
    IPod
    Isaac Asmov
    ITunes
    J.R.R. Tolkien
    Kingdom Hearts
    Laguna Lorie
    Livejournal
    Lord Of The Rings
    Lost
    Madisuzy
    Matchmaker
    Meme
    M/M Romance
    M/M Romance
    Muse
    Music
    Mystic
    Neil Patrick Harris
    Newt Gingrich
    Novella
    One Trick Pony
    Organization
    Otp
    Pairings
    Panic! At The Disco
    Philosophy
    Playlists
    Ray Bradbury
    Rejection
    Reno
    Requiem
    Reunion Federation Universe
    Reunion-federation-universe
    Rhys-ford
    Risenwarior
    Rubber Bands
    Rufus Shinra
    Saiunkoku Monogatari
    Serene
    Shadowhaloedangel
    Sherlock
    Shira Anthony
    Sinsofmidnight
    Sinsofmidnights Writing Challengea9c72dd339
    Smoking
    Snow
    Stargate Atlantis67bdbfb932
    Strings
    Super Glue
    Tattoos
    Thanks
    Thriller
    Tseng
    Tutoring
    Universe
    Wander
    War
    Wild
    Wonder
    Work
    Workout
    Writing
    Xenosaga
    Ya-fiction
    Zen
    Zombies

    RSS Feed

    Tweets by @SinsofMidnight
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.